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The Chronicles :: Narnia :: Beaversdam :: Joke Thread
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AuthorTopic: Joke Thread (Read 1,614 times)
dudellen
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #220 on Nov 28, 2006, 3:59am »
SURE U WANT TO MARRY...LISTEN TO THE WISE MEN.............!






I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
Him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
Get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving
them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
To a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
Music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
Electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the
second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
It once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
« Last Edit: Nov 28, 2006, 4:00am by dudellen »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
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dudellen
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #221 on Dec 15, 2006, 6:12am »
READ THE ABOVE & PREVIOUS PAGE JOKES CUZ I WANNA POST MORE!
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dudellen
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #222 on Feb 24, 2007, 2:57am »
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick
one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through
the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the
hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they
searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."
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dudellen
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #223 on Mar 15, 2007, 6:12am »
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before, his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show here. ;Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"
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dudellen
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #224 on Apr 23, 2007, 2:07am »
A man's turn came after waiting in line watching
St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Bad guys were going to hell and good
guys were heading towards heaven.

"Your resume is blunt, but tell me one thing can you think of ever doing
something of reasonable merit ?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man responded with confidence.

"Once, I was on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a
gang of bikers on their way to Sturgis, who were threatening a young
woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So,
I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him
in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it
on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the crap out of
all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "Now I don't see that here, but you seem to have
a sharp memory. When did this happened?"

"Oh, Just a couple minutes ago!" and man pleaded further "Please don't send me to hell."
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I'LL PROCRASTINATE LATER :)



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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #225 on May 16, 2007, 2:14pm »
heheheheh!

keep em comming dude!
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #226 on May 22, 2007, 10:05pm »
that little boy was hilarious!
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #227 on May 28, 2007, 1:24am »
Gezz thanks girls *hugs both* after a long time some one in here to appreciate what I have done!
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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #228 on Jun 16, 2007, 3:07am »
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His mother caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His mother again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!".
Early that evening, Johnny's father came downstairs in a hurry and accidentally kicked the cat at the bottom. Johnny's father looked up to find Johnny and his mother standing there watching him.
To which Johnny said,
"Are you going to tell him, mom, or do you want me to?
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